Rick Ranson

“You from the south?”
“Yep. I’m from  L.A.”
“Los Angeles?”
“Nope. Lower Alabama.”

“Here’s the torch , Mon Ami.”
“What’s mun-aimee?”
“Its French. It means ‘My friend’.”
“Yo Buckwheat! Which in the south means… Yo Buckwheat!”

“I’m going to open up a big old can of whoopass!”

“Lets start a rumor about lay-offs. Scare the lazy ones.”

 

Neil Armstrong said his famous line on July 20th 1969
“One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”
I think he blew the line.

I was a 19 year-old Lifeguard on a very crowded and silent Grand Beach. It was a perfect Manitoba summer’s day. Not a cloud in the sky. Not a puff of wind. 5,000 people on the beach. Nobody in the water.

Walking along the waterline was the only option for this Lifeguard because white and pink bodies were laying like a forest of pink cordwood side by side by side. Every one of them laying on towels and blankets with their heads towards transistor radios.

I stopped when Armstrong’s voice echoed his famous line. On that entire crowded beach I was the only one standing.

Nobody moved.

5,000 people all held their breath.

When Armstrong finished his line, the whole beach exhaled.

After a while slowly people got up, dusted off the beach-sand, and then walked into the water.  Here and there somebody would be standing quiet, shading their eyes from the sun, looking up into the sky.

Hmmm. It seems that on late July 27th and early July 28th there will be both a Blood Moon and the longest Moon Eclipse of this century.

As I was born on July 27th (A long time ago in a weird galaxy far, far, away… Vancouver) I will take this Blood Moon and Eclipse as a sign.

Seeing as how it’ll be Friday night late and early Saturday morning and I’ve long since missed my chance at being the Antichrist so I’ll be in bed.

Snoring, but celestially.

Ah the valuable things you learn from a Boilermaker from Detroit.

“Put a banana in a guy’s tailpipe. The car will start but run real shitty. First they’ll tow it, which will cost a couple of hundred bucks,. Then they’ll change the catalytic converter which is about $1,500. By the time they find the banana it’ll cost him almost two grand.
Get a green banana, they last longer.”

“When I was growing up we had four ‘oh’s’  in poor.”
“Hey you’re getting so fat , you must have your own area code.”
“I only got two ears. And neither one of them is listening to you.”

There was a welder in BC that went on a shutdown and in his off hours he robbed convenience stores. Which got him the nickname 6/10’s and 7/11. He finally got caught robbing a hotel. It was the hotel he was staying at.

When I was working in a power house in Munroe Michigan I heard this conversation.
“Hey Eric I got good news and I got bad news.”
“So what’s the good news?”
“There’s a Security Guard that thinks your cute.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“That’s her over there.”